Humbled

The last 10 days have been a whirlwind. Unpacking, moving furniture, getting lost, chasing endless reams of migration paperwork, getting lost... :-) I ache for the companionship of my family and friends and it is humbling to watch their lives go on without my daily contribution. Humbled is the most accurate way I can think of to describe how I feel right now.

Humbled doesn't have to be a bad thing, though. We can be humbled by a huge expression of Grace. We can be humbled by the majesty of nature, or the pure, unabashed love of a child. Or we can be humbled by the newness of every single thing in each day. In many ways, I am an infant here. Everything, everything is new. Which brand of orange juice to do I like? Which brand of toilet paper is "cushiony soft"? Which of the plants in my garden are actually weeds? The simplest things; the everyday things I took for granted in Chicago are an adventure here. Going to the grocery store. Choosing a mobile phone plan. Driving. A couple of days ago I sat at a corner, waiting to make a left turn against traffic. The people who turned onto the street where I sat kept shooting me sideways glances. With nobody behind me to toot their horn as a reminder, it was a full 5 minutes before I remembered that I was turning left, and that a left turn is with the flow of traffic here. A left turn here is like a right turn in Chicago. Humbled.

I never really know where I am right now, at least not in the physical sense. All my usual landmarks are gone and I have to establish new ones. My mental and emotional landmarks need to be reestablished as well. In Chicago, I was surrounded by my family and a lifetime's accumulation of friends. I was teaching big classes with students I love dearly, and my work was busy and fulfilling. Here, it is cause for celebration when the phone rings. Last week I offered to teach for free at a new Lululemon store where they offer classes once a week with guest teachers. I was told by the American manager of that store to "check back with her when I had some students". Humbled.

What I do know is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. It is a fascinating posture to hold myself in. None of us is born with an instruction manual for life. We need to figure it out, to make our own way, and we make lots of mistakes in the process. I have taught classes about the idea of purposely stepping right out of your comfort zone and observing yourself, to see how you do. I'm living that theme right now and it's humbling. But if we get scared and attempt to avoid the humbling mistakes by sticking only with what is comfortable and familiar; oftentimes we find ourselves in a rut of our own construction. From that sort of entrenchment, we can miss out on some enchanting experiences and opportunities to take our lives to the next level.

Enchantment or Entrenchment? They mean something different to each of us and ultimately we each get to choose for ourselves.

I am stretching.

Every day, in every way I am stretching, being stretched and watching the stretching of of others.

It is quite a process.

Beautiful, gut wrenching, exhilarating, heartbreaking, exciting, terrifying, joyous, frustrating, enlivening; I have been shifted and astonished at every turn. I am learning by experience that sad and difficult, while sad and difficult, are not inherently bad. It amazes me how deeply my heart can ache; and then how quickly that ache can be replaced by an indescribable fullness. I’m learning that no matter which direction that a heart is stretched, the stretch itself is what increases its ability to be full.

The outpouring of love and appreciation that I have experienced since I made known our decision to move across the world has left an indelible mark on my heart. It has utterly transformed the way I will relate to the people I love from this point forward. I guess the old saying rings true: you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. Why do we wait until there is an *event* to express love or offer support? There is a time and a place to express appreciation, to declare love. That time is right now.